Cow Tipping For Idiots
by Dubiie
Summary: In a small little town, two boys go on an adventure as exciting as they are uneducated. RikuRoku, T, COMPLETE.


A/N: This is for Buko! -throws love- And for the small RikuRoku fandom.

Oh! And sorry if there's some mistakes. I have no wonderful Beta.

* * *

Stars twinkle and shine above a sleepy little town in South Carolina. No cars were out to compete with the star's light and the one or two street lights did little to offer a good challenge to the star's brilliance. In Anderson, everyone went to sleep early. Only the crickets sounded off in the night, though there were only a couple every minute or so.

A few miles off of the little town, a farm sleeps just a quietly. Well, kinda.

"Rikuuu!" A whiny voice whispers, "Paw's gonna be awful mad at me tahmarow!"

"Shuddup, Roxas, 'n stop bein' such a ho-mo-seckual baby!"

Roxas bites his lip and pulls up his overall's straps, hitching them back up on his shoulders. His hair shines a bit in the moonlight, the wheat color blending in perfectly behind the big piles of hay all over the field. The farm looked so foreign to him right now.

Sure, he lived here and knew his way around, but that was when the sun was up! Roxas never snuck around at night! He was a good boy.

The slightly older (and way cooler than Roxas) teen scratches his head and chews on a long piece of straw he'd found laying around. Who cares about the fact that a cow could've pooped on that at some time. He was a manly man, and nothing could scare him!

Including these stupid cows all around them. He'd get 'em. He'd been wanting to ever since the first time he'd come over to Roxas's farm. Oh, yes. Riku's bright eyes, glowing in the dark night, narrow in determination.

He was the master.

With that thought playing over and over again in his head, Riku turns to Roxas and declares, "I'm gonna get you tippin' cows like there ain't no tahmarow!" He watches his friend's eyes brighten with a mix of nerves and excitement. Ah, he remembered his first time. His older brother Xemnas had taught him when he was twelve.

Roxas was sixteen. This was long overdue in Riku's book.

The blonde peeks around the bale of hay and stares at the sleeping cows. Riku starts explaining how they needed to run as quickly as possible once the cow's down, but Roxas only catches a little bit of it. He's thinking of the next day, when he gets grounded and when his chores are doubled. School, though, would be glorious! Sora would be so proud of him! Axel even more so.

Both boys had been pushing him to do it as if it was the best drug in the existence of the world. Roxas had always thought they were over exaggerating, but so far the adrenaline rush was pretty amazing. Scary, but amazing.

A sudden pain to his little blonde head causes him to yelp and glare up at the young man in front of him. "Whut the hell, Riku?!"

Riku glares back and crosses his arms, "Listen to me, boy! You ain't gonna learn nothin' if you stare off intuh space like that! Whutcha think you gonna find? Mars?" Riku grins smugly at him. Mars wasn't even in their space. Stupid Roxas.

Said boy looks at Riku for a while before shaking his head. He may not be as strong, but he was at least a little smarter. Everyone knew that while Mars wasn't in their galaxy, it was still up there. Stupid Riku.

Both boys, fully believing in their own intellect, go back to the issue at hand.

Riku finally explains the details to Roxas, who was, thankfully, now paying attention. He nods at the appropriate times and says the right answers, keeping Riku satisfied.

"You got that?"

Roxas nods and stares up at Riku as if he has all the answers to all the questions in the world. They both peek over the top of their defence against the sleeping cows, getting mentally ready for the task at hand. Roxas was sweating a bit more than he usually did in the humidity, but Riku was calm.

"Okay. Let's go."

Quietly, the two high schoolers tip toe over to the closest cow. Roxas flinched every time a twig snapped. He knew his father was a light sleeper. He knew he had a shot gun. He knew his father shot first then asked questions.

When the two go right next to the big cow, Roxas frowns. Betsy… They should've picked another farm! He couldn't stand to do it to his own cows! Riku looks over at him and nods firmly, whispering, "On three…" Roxas gulps and nods, holding out his arms as Riku does.

"One…"

Roxas feels sweat slide down his back.

"… Two…"

Riku glares hard at the sleeping cow.

"… THREE!"

Both boys move forward and push against the firm side of Betsy with all their strength, grunting a bit at the weight of the big cow.

"MOOOO--!!"

"Oh Jesus! Oh dear baby Jesus!"

Roxas stares in horror as Betsy falls with a loud thud to the ground. He's stuck in place, shocked. Not as shocked as Betsy, though.

"Come on and stop starin' like a little bitch!"

Roxas feels his shoulder shaking, sees his house light come on, and hears a gun shot.

"SHIT! SHIT! Your old man is bat shit insane, Roxas!" Riku grabs hold of Roxas's overall strap and tugs him away behind the hay again. Roxas still looked horrified and shocked, but he snapped out of it as soon as Riku brought his hand across his face.

Roxas shakes his head, and his eyes focus back on the real world. He couldn't believe he'd done that.

Riku shakes him by his shoulders some more and whispers loudly in his face, "Get your dang head outa the clouds! We gotta get outa here!" Roxas nods dumbly. Riku's house was just down the street. They could make it, right?

"Get yer selves outa here 'fore I pump yer damn bodies with lead!" There's another shot off into the air.

Roxas lets out a small scream and gets slapped by Riku's cold hand again. He stares at his like a kicked puppy; Riku just rolls his eyes and tugs on his shirt again, muttering, "Come on, ya sissy."

The two start to slowly sneak through the field, keeping behind the many bales of hay scattered around. They keep their eyes on the burly man thumping through the field and shooting randomly into the sky. Cloud MacDonald did not joke around when it came to his cows.

Roxas could see more lights going on in his house; his little sister, Namine, could be seen looking down into the field from her lighted room.

Focusing back on living, Roxas follows Riku to the road. They both let out a relieved sigh.

Once they're walking along the dirt road in silence, they meet eyes. Immediately, loud, happy laughter fills the air. Riku folds his hands together and puts them behind his head, his elbows almost smacking Roxas. Said boy ignores him and continues to walk with a big, goofy smile on his face.

"I 'bout threw up mah heart."

Riku looks at him from the corner of his eyes and smirks widely, "Yeh, but least ya lost yer cow-tippin' ver-geen-aty."


End file.
